nostalgia

so. while in search of some guitar tabs so i could play “play crack the sky” again, i ended up digging through an old three-ringed binder i made in high school. inside was poems i wrote, my favorites songs all tabbed out and printed, stories i attempted to write and the beginning of a movie script i wanted to make. i found one short thing i wrote and i want to share. it may or may not be embarrassing but it’s pretty deep considering i was 14 or 15 when i wrote it.

“life, ha, what a funny thing. to think about it makes your mind go crazy. to try and understand it, well that’s even worse. we all have our problems, the good (if that’s possible) and the bad. we all tend to hide behind a mask, the one that we put on so that no one will know how we are really feeling deep down inside. we all act all happy, like nothings bothering us, but we all have something that’s wrong. some people express themselves with knives, guns, drugs, writing, dance, sports, anything to get our minds off of what’s really wrong. but there is no escaping it. we must accept the way we are, and who we are.

interesting enough, i started this thinking three years ago. i was just sitting in my “prefect” little room in the “prefect” little american town, just wondering, what is life really about. what came to me was the fact that we all hide, hide from everything and yet that everything is really nothing. what are we all afraid of? if we’re all hiding then what’s the whole point? why must we put on this show, to try to impress everyone around us when we can’t even impress the only person that really matters in our life? come to think of it, i am the same way. i am the 15 year old girl that i don’t want to be anymore.”

and then i stopped writing.